PUNOGRAPHY

[YoDude]

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When​ ​chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German​ ​sausage​s ​are the wurst .

A soldier​ ​who survived​ ​mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake​ ​fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

How does​ ​Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian​ ​club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity and I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had​ ​type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man​ ​walks into a bra.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer Rabbit arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you​ make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job​ because she couldn't control her pupils?

When​ ​you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What​ does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back​ four​ seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting​ bigger. Then​ it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney​ bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a​ banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New​ York's police stations have been stolen.

Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at​ a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the​ crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to​ think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Yo-

[YoDude]

Yo-

[YoDude]

I wanna Stromboli!

Yo-

[wj_hurd]

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

My elderly aunt loves telling jokes while she knits. She is a real knitwit.

The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

I tried to look up impotence on the Internet but nothing came up.

[BlacktopTravelr]

Little Johnny wanted to play with the other kids, but it seems he had lost his marbles.