Humor For Today or any other Day

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

A redneck was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars", she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.
"What's going on here people"?, asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife", Bubba answers, sounding annoyed.
"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know".
Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till you shined that light in her face".
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

I couldn't find the f**king thingy that peels the f**king carrots and potatoes, so asked the kids if they'd seen it. They told me she left me yesterday.







Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the f**k out of this bloke at a party. In my defence….. When you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house has been robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they f**ked my wife after only five cans!”
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

The knob

A woman in her fifties went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The
surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small
knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up
her skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift. Of course the woman
wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful.
The woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

"All of these years, everything has been working just fine. I have turned the knob many times
and have been very pleased with the results. But now, I've developed two annoying
problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, " Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.”
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by HARRIS »

HE' S BACK !
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court,... word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of keeping a straight face while the exchanges were taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you s**tting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?


______________________________________
And last:


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for
>>> Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.
>>>
>>> She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her
>>> parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died
>>> before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello -
>>> How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a
>>> wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint
>>> Peter told her.
>>>
>>> "Which word?" the woman asked.
>>>
>>> "Love."
>>>
>>> The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into
>>> Heaven.
>>>
>>> About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to
>>> watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband
>>> arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you
>>> been?"
>>>
>>> "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told
>>> her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while
>>> you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the
>>> little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my
>>> wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in
>>> Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and
>>> here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
>>>
>>> "You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
>>>
>>> "Which word?" her husband asked.
>>>
>>> "Czechoslovakia."
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Ahkmed the Arab went to the United States from the Middle East, and he
was only there a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after
doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said: 'Take dees bucket, go into
de odder room, poop in de bucket, pee on de poop, and den put your head
down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.'

Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket,
peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific! What was
wrong with me?'

The doctor said .... 'You were homesick.'
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

BUBBA went to Alabama on a football scholarship. He was a great running back, but a poor student.

At graduation day, Bubba didn't have enough credits. But he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the dean give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the dean agreed if Bubba could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.

The one question test was held in the auditorium and all the students packed the place. It was standing room only.

The dean was on the stage and told Bubba to come up. The dean had the diploma in his hand and said, "Bubba, if you can answer this question correctly I'll give you your diploma." Bubba said he was ready and the dean asked him the question. "Bubba," he said, "How much is three times seven?"

Bubba looked up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes, just pondering the question. The students began chanting, "Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!"

Then Bubba held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. Bubba said, "I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one."

A hush fell over the auditorium and the students began another chant. "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Herb »



Great jokes, for republicans.



Great jokes, for republicans...Truth for the demonrats.
I can't seem to win the lottery. I think I have used up all of my good luck riding motorcycles.

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by HARRIS »

SWEEET !
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

ParrotMargarita



BAD PARROT

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"



HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

HARRIS
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by HARRIS »

SWEEET
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck

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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Who to Marry
>HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids)
>* You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
>sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
>chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10
>
>* No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
>God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
>stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10
>
>WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
>* Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
>-- Camille, age 10
>
>* No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. --
>Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
>
>HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
>* You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the
>same kids. -- Derrick, age 8
>
>WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
>* Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8
>
>WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
>* Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each
>other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. --
>Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
>
>* On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets
>them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10
>
>WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
>* I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers
>and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9
>
>WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
>* When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
>
>* The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
>that - - Curt, age 7
>
>* The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
>and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8
>
>IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
>* I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never
>going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. --
>Theodore, age 8
>
>* It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to
>clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
>
>HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
>* There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin,
>age 8
>
>And the #1 Favorite is.......
>
>HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
>* Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. --
>Ricky, age 10
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

José and Carlos are beggars.
They beg in different areas of town.
Carlos begs for the same amount of time
as José, but collects only
about $8.00 or $9.00 a day.

José brings home a suitcase full of ten-dollar
bills every day. He drives a Mercedes,
lives in a mortgage-free house, and has
a lot of money to spend.

"Hey, amigo," Carlos says to José,
"I work just as long and hard as you do,
so how come you bring home a suitcase
full of ten dollar bills every day?

José says,
"Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlos reads his sign:
"I have no work, a wife
and six kids to support."

"What's wrong with that?"
Carlos asks him.

"No wonder you only get
$8.00 or $9.00 a day!" says José.

Carlos says,
"All right, what is on your sign?"

José shows him:

I need $10.00 more to go back to Mexico
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Pfizer Corp. (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that VIAGRA (mykoxaphalentooldphyew) will soon be available in liquid form under the trade name of Mydixaflop.
Mydixaflop will be marketed by Pepsi Cola (Pepsi Bottling Group NYSE PBG) as a power beverage suitable for use as-is, or as a mixer, under the name Mount And Do.
Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."





Diary of a Viagra users wife

Day 1
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.

Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.

Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5
What absolute bliss!!

Day 6
Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.

Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice -- I don't think I've ever been so happy.

Day 8
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there.

Day 9
No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whiskey! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over...

Day 11
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.

Day 12
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous...

Day 13
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the jerk.

Day 14
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me!

Day 15
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go screw himself and he did.

Day 16
The jerk has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference... Christ! Here he comes again!

Day 18
He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

At the obstetrician's office.


The brunette comes out of the office and tells her husband "I'm so excited, we're going to have a little boy. The doctor says it is because when we have sex you're always on top."

The redhead comes out and says to her husband "I'm so excites, because I'm always on top, we're going to have a little girl."

The blonde comes out in tears, sobbing "We're going to have puppies."
_____________
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

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Suzuki Johnny
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. so I said, "Implants?"
I don't do drugs anymore. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
I have my own little world. But it's OK. they know me here.
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I don't approve of political jokes . I've seen too many of them get elected.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and ####'s.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
How come the Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

User avatar
Suzuki Johnny
Joined a 1200cc Club
Posts: 32820
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:25 am
My Bike: 2020 Tri Glide Ultra Harley
Location: GODS COUNTRY

Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by Suzuki Johnny »

The husband was a bit embarrassed and
told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was

getting frustrated. The doc checked the man's blood pressure and other vitals,

then after a thorough examination said he wanted to check with the wife.

He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn

all the way around slowly. She did as instructed. He then told her to raise her

arms above her head, then bend over, touch her toes and cough. Finally he said,

"Ok, good. You can get dressed now, and I will talk to your husband."

The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, "Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I

couldn't get an erection either.
duc, sequere, aut de via decede
"frapper fort, frapper vite, frappée souvent-- Adm William "Bull" Halsey
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”--Gen George Patton
"Our Liberty is insured by four "Boxes", the Ballot box, the Jury box, the Soap box and the Cartridge box"

HARRIS
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My Bike: VS 800- HONDA VALKYRIE- MAGNA
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Re: Humor For Today or any other Day

Post by HARRIS »

SWEEET !
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck

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