SUNDAY SUMMER THOUGHTS

[HARRIS]

) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.

2) The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

3) Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? Spent telling them to sit down and shut up.

4) He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

5) My mother never realized the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

6) Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

7) I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

8) Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

9) If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

10) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

11) I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

12) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

13) We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.

14) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

15) I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

16) How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

17) I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

18) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

19) I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

20) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

21) Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

22) Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

23) Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

24) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

25) Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

26) God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

27) I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.

28) Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity.

29) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

30) Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

31) Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

32) Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

33) We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

34) A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.


35) Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

36) Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others... whenever they go.

37) I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

38) I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

39) War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.


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[Suzuki Johnny]

39) War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left. [emoji106]

[Designer]

A Nice Tome, with many an entry that has wisdom worth reading and sharing. Thanks! [emoji106]

I do take issue with the last one though:

39) War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.

It is an oversimplification of a VERY complex situation. Probably coined by those 'peaceniks' from the 60's who FAILED to see that war is sometimes unavoidable and necessary to survive.

Suffice it to say,....the results of a war demonstrates they who had The Right Ideas....'cuz they are The Victors. [emoji2]

[DevilsFan]

War...peace...whatever! I loved this one!!!

15) I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

[SuzyRidr2]

Lots of good ones on this list. [emoji106]

[Designer]

Lots of good ones on this list. [emoji106]

Yup! These are some of my Favorites! [emoji106]


8) Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

12) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

14) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

15) I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

16) How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

18) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

19) I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

33) We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

35) Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

36) Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others... whenever they go.

[SuzyRidr2]

I liked the "Guess" shirt line because it brought back a long forgotten fun memory ....

Tee shirts featuring crude or sexually implicit remarks (and maybe crude and sexually implicit gals) are more common today than they were in the 1970s - at least from my perspective. Back when I was in technical school in the Air Force (1975), while attending an outdoor event I spied a rather busty girl who was sporting a Busch Beer tee shirt that featured a silhouette of those trademark mountains across her upper torso. Below those mountains was a line that read: If You Like My Mountains, You'll Love My Busch.

[NE_FL]

This was an exceptionally GOOD list!

"If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong." That's an oldie, but I love it!