Humor For Today or any other Day

[Suzuki Johnny]

Last Saturday night, a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in a small town in South Louisiana. After last call, the officer noticed an Old Cajun Dude leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed like an eternity, in which the OCD tried his keys on five different vehicles, he finally managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, the OCD started the car, switched the wipers on and off (even though it was a fine, dry, summer night), flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other bar patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the Old Cajun Dude over and administered a Breathalyzer test. To the officer's amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the OCD had consumed any alcohol at all !!!

Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it officer," the proud Old Cajun Dude said. "Tonight I was appointed to be Da Designated Decoy."

[Suzuki Johnny]

THE $50 bill

It's a slow day in the town and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through the town, stops at a hotel, and lays a $50 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the hotel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

(now... pay attention)

The butcher takes the $50 and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $50 and heads off to pay his bill to his feed supplier.

The guy at the supplier takes the $50 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

Now, the hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $50 back on the counter so the traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes back down the stairs, stating that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $50 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything and no one earned anything!

However... the whole village now thinks that they are out of debt and there is a false atmosphere of optimism and glee!

And that, my friends, is how a government works!

[Suzuki Johnny]

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.

His assistant walked up to him and said,
'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'

The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.

He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.

[Suzuki Johnny]

A senior citizen

said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'


'Yep!'

'Do I know her?

'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

[Suzuki Johnny]

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
Twelve thirty..'

[Suzuki Johnny]

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

[Suzuki Johnny]

One more. . ..!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis'

[Herb]

I am sorry but, to me, this is hilarious...

https://potuspaper.com/mrtntgfbtwips/

[Suzuki Johnny]

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
Twelve thirty..'

[Herb]

funny, but kind of sad...NOT.

[FallenAngel]

These comebacks are good

[Suzuki Johnny]

What makes Cajuns better lovers?
Because they’ll eat anything.

Can you tell me what the Cajun ghost says?
Beaux!

People always ask me what alligator tastes like at my restaurant.
Despite the fact that it tastes great, we make ours with baby alligator, so it has a little bite to it.

In the morning I opened my door to some Jambalaya’s Witnesses.
They asked if I would like to buy some Cajun sauce to increase my salivation chances.

The other day, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were walking through the woods when a flying saucer landed nearby.
A door opened, and two little green aliens climbed down out of the spacecraft.
Thibodeaux turned to Boudreaux, “Mais, look at dat. What you tink dat is?”
Boudreaux, aiming his shotgun at the little space critters, replied, “Thibodeaux, I don’ know, but you hurry back to de camp, put on de rice pot, and start makin’ a roux!
(A roux is a mixture of flour + fat, usually butter or oil. It is the basis for many Louisiana dishes.)

[Suzuki Johnny]

When Boudreaux and Thibodeaux went to a job interview, the boss came out of his office and gave them a test.
The test took about two hours to complete.
The boss picked them up and graded them.
After he finished, he said, “You both did well and passed the test. In fact, you both got the same grade.”
He then told Boudreaux he had been hired.
All of a sudden Thibodeaux jumped up and said, “Well wait, if we both scored the same grade, then why does Boudreaux get the job?”
Then the boss said, “Well because of your answers, for example, on number 25, Boudreaux wrote, ‘I don’t know,’ and you wrote, ‘me either.'”

[Suzuki Johnny]

Marie Paints the Kitchen.
It was a typical South Louisiana July afternoon.
There is a hundred degree temperature and a hundred percent humidity.
Hot and wet.
After working at the crawfish farm, Boudreaux returns home to find Marie wearing two heavy jackets instead of some old comfortable clothes.
On one of the hottest days of the year, Boudreaux asks Marie why she was dressed that way in July.
Marie tells him, “Mais Boudreaux, look on de can of paint.
It say, ‘For best results, put on two coats.’ So dat’s what I did’!”


“Marie,” Boudreaux whispered to his wife late one night, “would you get married again if I died?”
“Mais, yeh, I guess,” she replied.
“Would you sleep in de same bed with him?”
“Well, it’s de only bed in de house, so I guess I’d have to.”
“Would you make love to him?”
“Cher,” Marie said patiently, “I guess, since he would be my husband.”
“Would you give him my pickum-up truck?”
“No, Boudreaux. I wouldn’t give him your pick-up truck.” she yawned, “Besides, he doesn’t know how to drive a stick shift.”

[Suzuki Johnny]

Boudreaux and Marie had their first fight, and it was a big one.
After a while, Boudreaux said “When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey.”
Marie replied, “I know. But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all dem people at the wedding.”



Louisiana State Police had heard that illegal cock fights were becoming big in rural areas around Lafayette.
They sent in Boudreaux, their best undercover detective.
Boudreaux spent several weeks doing surveillance and reported the results to headquarters.
Boudreaux say, “Der is tree main group in dis cock fightin’ bisness.”
“Who are dey?”, his Sergeant asked.
Boudreaux replies, “De Aggies, De Cajuns, an de Mafia.”
“How you know?”, asked the sargeant?
“Well,” says Boudreaux, “I done seen da cock fight, Cher. I knowed da Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in de cock fight.”
“What about the others?” questioned the Sergeant.
“Well, I knowed da Cajuns was involved when sumbody bet on da duck. You know dem Cajuns, dey drink too much an say ‘Aw, what da hell?’, an dey’ll do anyting dats kinda crazy.”
“Mais, Boudreaux,” axed the Sergeant, “How you know da Mafia’s involve too?”
Boudreaux say, “Dat’s de easyiest part. De damn duck won!!”

[Suzuki Johnny]

Dr. Boudreaux and the Dead Duck: A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon named Dr. Boudreaux Fontenot. As she laid her pet on the table, Dr. Boudreaux pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, he shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.” The woman was devastated and asked, “Are you sure?” Dr. Boudreaux replied, “Oh, yes, ma’am. Your duck is definitely dead.” The woman asked, “How can you be so sure?” Dr. Boudreaux replied, “Well, ma’am, my stethoscope detected no heartbeats, and besides, Cuddles was stuck in the freezer for two days before you brought him in!”1


Marie Seeks the Other Side: A young blonde Cajun woman named Marie is taking a leisurely walk. She comes to a river and sees another young blonde Cajun woman named Clotile on the opposite bank. Marie shouts, “Yoo-hoo! How can I get to the other side?” Clotile looks up the river, then down the river, up the river again, and finally says, “You are on the other side!”1


Boudreaux Plans a Vacation: Boudreaux tells Thibodeaux, “You know, I think I’m ready for a little vacation again, Thib. But this year, I want to do something different. The last few years, I took your suggestions about where to go. Three years ago, you said I should go to Hawaii, so I did. Two years ago, you suggested Paris, and I went there too. Last year, you said I should visit Rome, and I did. But this year, I want to go somewhere unique.” Thibodeaux thinks for a moment and says, “Well, Boudreaux, have you ever considered going to Church Point, Louisiana?”1


Thibodeaux’s Diamond Ring: Thibodeaux impresses Clotile with a beautiful diamond ring. Boudreaux says, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive vehicles.” Thibodeaux replies, “She did, but where in the world was I gonna find a fake jeep!”2